Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
