just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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