OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
