He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
