In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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