you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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