I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize