Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I would ride that face into the sunset
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
