dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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