I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
