hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
