yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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