alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize