My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
