I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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