So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
