i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
