oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
