No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
