wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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