It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
