last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
