he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
