nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
