:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
