I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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