i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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