Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
