I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
