I think my fart just growled at me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
