Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
