U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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