I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
