oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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