Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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