you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
