guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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