The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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