Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize