FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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