There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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