...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
