I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
