dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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