I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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