That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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