Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize