Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
