so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
