my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize