I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
