He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
