Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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