i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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