my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
