Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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