I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think i got beer on your cat.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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