Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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