I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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