And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
