So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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